Top Five Benefits of NOT Being able to Smell

Ever since kindergarten we've been taught about the five senses. Heck, in some movies we are even told that there's a sixth sense, but here's the thing: I only have four senses. I can hear, feel, see and taste (somewhat), but I can't smell. Which kinda makes my nose useless. I might as well not have it and be like Voldemort, but a nicer, blonder, prettier and a somewhat less crazier female version. (I swear I don't kill muggles.)

Over the years my mom and I have come up with different theories. Some include my cat... which I don't want to believe. The one that makes the most sense to me would be that my great grandfather passed on his Useless-Nose gene to me. What a wonderful gift, right?
Note: I do love all member of my family! Especially my great-grandfather- though we've never met...
Anyways, over time I've found that not smelling could actually be a could thing. Like when I walk by the football plays. No smell, no problem. TAKE THE B.O.!!!! HA!
I guess I could embrace the whole little kid theory of "If I can't see them, they can't see me" and be all "If I can't smell them, they can't smell me." I've been tempted to try this out more than once and save money on deodorant, but then I found the quote: Common sense is like Deodorant: The people that need it most, don't use it.  I would like to think I have some common sense- most of the time.
The whole experience of my four senses has inspired me to write the Top Five Benefits of NOT Being able to Smell.

5) No Bad Smells
As mentioned earlier, I can't smell the footballs players. This means while all my friends are walking by gagging I can just strut by like a super model completely undeterred by the stench around me. (Just keep in mind that my years of dance lessons have done nothing for my grace.)

4) Weird Taste Buds
I don't like a lot of foods. My family often seems to be obsessed with all the foods I hate. We are starting to wander if that's because I taste differently than they do. It is a well know fact that taste and smell are closely linked. But it really makes you wonder - does the same food taste differently to different people? That question brings up the whole dress thing again. Ugh. (For the record... It's white and gold. Like me.)

3) Increased ability in your other senses
When we loose sense the other ones become more sensitive. In my case, I now have really sensitive hearing. This means I can hear all the juicy gossip around the school. MUAHAHA. And since taste has been decreased (by theory) My sight has improved over the years. This is a real bummer for me because I really want red hipster glasses, but I guess that can wait till I'm a super old grandma with a souped-up scooter and blue hair.

2) Conversation Starter
The fact that I can't smell is actually a great conversation starter. Honestly, how many people do you come by who can't smell? My guess is not that many. As soon as people find out they have an endless line of questions. Some I can't answer and others I could answer in my sleep because I've heard them so many times. Most of the time people just conclude that I am either joking or they say...

1) Extra Attention
I will have you know that having a conversation with someone and getting attention are different. I would also like to inform you that I have gone to the doctors about my lack o' smell. They've either told me I have brain probs or that I should take a vitamin D pill for the next month. So far nothin' and it's driving my mom crazy. She's worried that I wouldn't be able to smell gas or smoke and die. This has been validated by the fact that there was a time when the fire alarm went off and I didn't smell and of the smoke coming from the fire I was roasting s'mores on. Scary stuff bro. The doctor's often give me extra attention because they can't find anything wrong with me. (Besides the fact that I don't like cheese.) I also get a lot of attention from my sister. She has been developing a bunch of theories about how I taste and she has decided to conduct an experiment on me with different kinds of ice cream. (Which will be another story). She thinks I mainly taste will texture. In both situations I still get tons and tons of attention thanks to my nose and my fabulous looks.

Just to sum up everything... Not being to smell isn't as bad as it sounds. It's a little dangerous but... I like to live life on the edge. Anyways, please comment or email me if you have any questions about my lack o' smell.

Those High Moments

Over the summer, I got my wisdom teeth removed and I was exposed to what it's like to be high. I was never high, but when getting wisdom teeth removed a patient gets pretty darn close. The medications in the removal duplicate the same spacey, drunken behavior one has when they are under the same effects of drugs. These effects are actually seen throughout YouTube in videos of highly medicated teens. I was soooo excited to see what I was like under these drugs.

Considering the fact that I can't smell (that's another story) my friends and I would joke about me being able to smell rainbows when I was on these drugs. This was actually really exciting! Just thinking about being able to smell SOMETHING was exciting for me. Thinking about being able to smell rainbows had me like:

After thinking of many fantasies and talking about it for months the day finally came. My friends and I hopped in the car and we were on our way, but all I could think about were... Rainbows. Thinking about smelling the different colors was more exhilarating than a Runner's High!(yet another story)! But seriously stop and just imagine smelling rainbows... (Btw if you say it smells like Skittles you are wrong. Skittles are how the rainbow tastes, not how it smells. Get your freakin' five senses right.)

I eventually woke up in the office without my wisdom teeth. I missed them, but I felt completely fine. I felt like I was acting completely normal, not loopy at all. When my friends came in we started talking and having a normal conversation. They were actually really weirded out that I was behaving like I normally do. We eventually came to the conclusion that I was always high. That's when it happened. One of my friends asked me-
Friend: Can you smell rainbows?
Me: *sniff* *sniff sniff*
Friend: Oh crap...
Me: No!!! *begins to sob*
This was then followed by my friends trying to comfort me and me awkwardly petting their hands and telling them how beautiful they were many, many times. We then came to a new conclusion that I am a more amplified version of myself when I was high.

When the drugs wore off after a nap and a couple miserable board games I began to wonder why I was so disappointed about not being to smell rainbows. I have come to the conclusion that it's because I was unable to achieve a goal. This was my chance to smell (even if it was a slight hallucination of a chance) and I missed it. I missed my chance to achieve something. This is why I challenge everyone to work hard and achieve their goals. Let's all strive to smell rainbows!

Remember if you have any questions shoot me an email!

Ps. I'm not saying let's do drugs. Don't break the laws and stay in school. (Unless you've already graduated)

Among the Rejected and Misunderstood

I don’t know how else to say this… I don’t like cheese. Okay? Yeah yeah, I get it.

“That’s so weird!”

Okay, stop jumping to conclusions and spazzing out. Stop dropping your jaw and keep your mouth shut! For Pete’s sake it’s just cheese!

“Why would you not like cheese!?!”

That is a very good question. I would just like to state that I am not lactose intolerant. I love ice cream. I guess the best explanation for this comes from way, way back in the day when I was still watching Dragon Tales. I was eating dinner with my family and suddenly I was choking. What was I choking on? Guess, I dare you. If you guessed cheese, you’re right. After my mom got the cheese out I never seemed  to really desire eating cheese again. 

                                 

Besides, I’ve made a lot of progress over the years. I can now eat cheese pizza. Cheese on pasta is the next level. I can tell because I still gag whenever I eat mac n’ cheese. Progress is progress, don’t judge.     

Luckily, I know I’m not the only one who doesn’t like cheese. Thanks to my horrible obsession with YouTube, I discovered a fellow cheese-disliker named Amazing Phil. Phil has actually had a lot of the same experiences as me! With the look of shame given to us Cheese Haters by the numerous Cheese Lovers. Heck! He and I don’t understand why it is such a big deal! Sometimes I swear cheese is evil and seeking to destroy my life (or end it).

Growing up in a cheese-loving (and kinda cheese obsessed) family, this disliking made me the black sheep. To this day, my family still teases me about cheese. My sister actually likes taking me to the nearest Silver Diner to get cheese fries. She appreciates the fact that I eat the non-cheesed cheese fries leaving her all the “yummy” cheesy cheese fries.

However, overtime I’ve found that this constant, cheesy battle has made it so I am okay with standing out every now and then. My hatred of cheese has actually helped me! TAKE THAT CHEESE LOVERS!!! While you are all staying in your comfort zones and eating cheese, I’m running around eating almost everything but cheese! I think we all know who the real winner is: ME. You know that song Stronger by Kelly Clarkson? This actually perfectly describes my relationship with cheese. I don’t like cheese, but that’s part of what makes me me. It has made me stronger. Besides, everyone knows that what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

If there are any further question please send me an email. And please remember the following: